I'm borrowing
[this article] from Shine from Yahoo, but putting in my own comments. I can honestly admit that I've committed almost every one of these and some of them more than once. Here goes...
- 10. Your quirky habits turn annoying. Without proper communication of how these habits (i.e. channel surfing extremely fast or needing five blankets even in the summer) are becoming frustrating, these simple little idiosyncrasies-that we think make us endearing-will eventually turn into ticking time-bombs. Deactivate the blowout with a small discussion.
This one is not something that anyone really has control over, in my opinion. It's really up to the other person to bring annoying habits to the surface. You can't change what you don't know is annoying.
- 9. Not making an effort to hang out with each other's friends. And for that matter, not even getting along with your S.O.'s friends/family is a major deal-breaker for many people. There must be a balance between friend time, couple time and when the two overlap.
As most of you know, with Captain Hook, this is something I always wanted to do. He'd met pretty much all my friends and I met a couple of his friends once. I think spending time with each other's friends is important and it's also a good way to see another side of your partner's personality.
- 8. Texting or IM-ing all day everyday while you're both at work. Save the conversations for later; it will affect what you have to talk about on date nights! Avoid a convo like this: You: "Ohmigod! The craziest thing happened at work today." Him: "Yeah, you told me about it on g-chat earlier today." You: "Oh yeah…" Insert awkward silence. And you can't forget that by chatting at work, you're wasting valuable time.
I kinda disagree with this one. Captain Hook and I were in touch all day every day and always had something to talk when we were together. I think this one really depends on the couple. Although, I will admit that setting the precedence of being in touch all day isn't always a good one – you tend to automatically assume something is wrong if you don't hear from the other.
- 7. Pouring your heart out in a card-birthday, Valentine's Day or any other holiday that deserves a card. It's a little too much to handle for anyone. Do we even need to mention the awkwardness that can ensue as he's reading the novel you wrote inside the card while you're secretly expecting it to encourage him to give you a grand confession of love? Yup, not gonna happen! Simple solution? Find a funny card and just sign your name. It will have the exact same sentimental value to him. Trust us.
I've done this more than once. A card is just such an easy place to express yourself. I'm making a note to keep it simple from here on out!
- 6. Being too open or too secretive about your past. It is a fine line of saying how old you were when you lost your V-card to describing every little detail of who, when, where and what you felt through it all. TMI, peeps. If he wants to know about your past, give short and sweet answers and then move on.
I can honestly say I don't think I've committed this one. I don't tend to give too many details unless the conversation is really that deep.
- 5. Being too available. This isn't to say you should play the hard-to-get game by ignoring calls, delaying your response to a text or making up plans when you're actually free. That's pointless and nobody likes those games. If you're free for a date, you're free. If you're not, you're not and you can reschedule. The downfall of being too available right away is that you are more prone to losing your independence as you enter into a committed relationship. And once you lose yourself, the relationship will start sinking faster than the Titanic.
Oh, so guilty of this! My biggest problem is that when I'm into someone, I want to spend as much time as possible with them. I think this mostly applies to being too available in the beginning. I know I need to work on this – mainly because I'm a planner and I want the guy I'm dating to be thinking ahead and make plans with me.
- 4. Social media stalking. If you're looking at your S.O.'s Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn all within five minutes, step away from the computer. NOW. This feeds even the most confident woman's insecurity. You'll start questioning the "Hey, how have you been?" comment from that cute brunette who is really just his cousin checking in. Insecure insanity-no bueno. And on a similar note, if you're acting single on any social network, consider your relationship DOA.
Guilty as charged! Facebook is honestly the worst for a relationship. I think I'm better off not being friends on Facebook with the person I am dating.
- 3. Pushing the "What are we?" talk. The fastest way to end a relationship is to start talking about where it's going. Don't do it. Let it come up organically.
Ultimately, this is what ended my relationship with Captain Hook. He never wanted to commit or have the conversation, even after a year. Me pushing the subject only made him want to have the conversation less. I think I may have also done this to Aqua Man. I kinda assumed we were headed in that direction, but should have just let it come up instead of pushing it.
- 2. Doing the chasing. Sure, we're all for a woman asking a man out. Go for it! But there is a humongo difference between making the first move and being a stage-5 clinger. We've all seen He's Just Not That Into You and/or read the book. If he's into you, he'll make the effort to see you. If he's not picking up that phone and dialing your number, listen to Beyoncé's advice and consider yourself the best thing he never had.
I've done this in a lot of past relationships or the early stages of dating someone, but I've learned to stop. History has taught me it doesn't work.
- 1. Different lifelong goals. If you have a desire to be married and have babies one day and you're dating someone who doesn't want either, get out of that relationship ASAP. Yes, that's harsh advice. But you can't change a person and what he/she wants out of life. Having different views on these topics puts a timeline on your relationship and you're better off saving yourself from the undeniable heartbreak. Follow the George Clooney rule. If you're upfront about your desires out of life from the beginning (not necessarily on the first date, but before you make it FB official), then you'll spare yourself from falling for someone who refuses to give you what you want.
This is a given – need I say more. I consider myself pretty good about getting all that information out quickly. It's important, because I know that me being on the fence and not really having that desire to have a family can be a deal breaker for some men.
Bonus Relationship Killer!
- Getting too comfortable too quickly. In relationships, you should never think you fully have someone committed to you. When you're in love, you should give your partner a reason to be with you each day. It's the only way to have your bond grow stronger each day.
Gotta stay on your toes. I was super comfortable with Captain Hook and I think it's what made out first break up so difficult.
